I was reading Mao Ye’s dismal exhortation to the new freshman class when I realized that it doesn’t actually offer any insight into what being a Cornell student is. Ignoring for a moment the egregious abuse of style and grammar, One University, One Dream does little more than arrogantly brag about the author’s personal successes and throw down a few pseudo-politically correct platitudes about diversity and inclusiveness. The following is representative:

Last year, I was preparing to be interviewed by the Chinese Central TV station, the biggest TV station in China. I struggled with how to best express Ezra’s dream to millions of Chinese audience members. At last, I came to an epiphany: I could use two famous quotes related to the ancient Chinese thinker Confucius.

I wonder why Mao didn’t paint a more realistic picture of Cornell University, balancing his glowing report with such facts as:

• Only 85% of freshmen will graduate within four years, and your chances are lower if you’re not white or asian ^src
• We’re not the best university in the US, just the 12th best ^src
• There’s crime; more than you might think in a place where you should feel safe ^src
• Ithaca is in the middle of nowhere; it gets old fast ^src
• Your grades are inflated ^src, especially if you’re not in engineering ^src
• Harvard’s endowment grew in the last year by the size of ours ^src
• The only well-read college newspaper, the Cornell Daily Sun, is a hack ^src

There are also tons of positives (without citation):

• Cornell is beautiful and large
• Many of the faculty are world-renown in their fields
• TAs are plentiful and eager to help
• You can get involved in hundreds of clubs or research groups from day 1
• There are about 3,000-4,000 others in your class to meet

So freshmen, welcome to Cornell University. Enjoy the people, your courses, Ithaca, our beautiful campus, hotelies, the gorges, dining halls, fraternities & sororities, west campus, our lovely c-town, the (relatively) new starbucks, allnighters, and the craziness. Expect a few highly publicized crimes/suicides/eco-protests/scandals, and make sure to fit in time for your education (that’s why you’re there, right?) in between playing xbox with the dudes and beer pong.