Self Inflicted Injury
You might be surprised to hear that 20% of women and 14% of men have cut, burned, or otherwise deliberately harmed themselves. A recent study conducted jointly between Cornell and Princeton on self-injurious behavior (SIB) in college students was the largest to date. And, it’s results are surprising. Can you see 1/5 of your friends cutting into their forearms to relieve stress and pain? I couldn’t.
The demographics at risk for this behavior are slightly skewed towards white females:
Although there were not many demographic differences between the self-injurers in their study and those who have not self-injured, self-injurers were more likely to … question their sexual orientation. They were also slightly more likely to be female (55 percent) and less likely to be Asian or Asian-American.
3069 students participated in the study.
Disturbingly, only 7% of the self-injuring group of students sought medical attention for their problem. If you know of someone who is causing harm to themselves, or you don’t know how else to relieve your own stress and pain, please contact CAPS, a Cornell University health service that may be able to help you.
| This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 6th, 2006 at 11:22 pm and is tagged with cornell university health service, university health service, self injurious behavior, self inflicted injury, self injurers, demographic differences, sexual orientation, forearms, sib, medical attention, demographics, college students, females, princeton, caps, stress, risk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback. |
43 Responses to “Self Inflicted Injury”
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I am a 38 year old woman and have been cutting, primarily my forearms since I was about 14. Started with a broken paper-clip, ended with a razor blade and an ambulance. I still feel the urge to cut. Though the last time was a closer call than most times, a year later, I’m back in the same mind set. I’m currently medicated for Bi-Polar disorder, but fear the meds are not enough. Of course my doctors have the worst bedside manners and could care less. As far as I know, there is no support group for this kind of thing. I once went to an AA meeting for it, but the members had mixed reactions and after the initial meeting, I felt unwelcome so did not return. Please help.
Jema
I have a 28 year old daughter-in-law who is cutting herself with razorblades. She and my son have a 5 and a 3 year old duaghter(s). In January she suddenly announced to my son that she no longer loved him and wanted him out. Everyone was in shock. Her Mother told her to “follow her heart”. She did. She was having an affair with a 21-22 year old young man working at the front desk of her employment making 10 dollars an hour. Apparently this guy has told her he doesn’t want her with children and has dropped her. I’m not sure when she started cutting herself but two weeks ago she cut herself on the inner thigh so severely she had to go to the emergency room for stitiches. She told the doctors a glass table broke — surely they could tell by the clean cut that was a lie? I am told you could see the bone. The following day she asked my son if they could try to work things out and she and the children moved in with him. Now she is telling him she doesn’t know why she wants to live with him. She knows she loves this boy more than him but my son makes her feel safe. Perhaps she will not cut herself while with him. Meanwhile Saturday night she left my son home (against his wishes and judgement) to go to a party where this boy was. She did not return until 7AM the following day and became distraught during the day because my son was not speaking to her. I feel certain the distraught was more because this young man is rejecting her telling her he does not want a woman with children.
What concerns me is what I am reading and the lack of concern around this woman. She is from a family of mental illness, a grandfather who sexual abused her and her sister and no one did anything about it. This man remained in the family with not even aslap on the hands, These girls had to associate with him at family functions, etc. The Mother, Grandfather, and older sister are all alcoholics and now I fear with the drinking my daughter-in-law has proven over the past 6 months — she is also. The sister has been in therapy most of her life and takes meds daily for many years.
Now apparently the solution to this cutting and behavior is her Mom (who has multiple problems of her own) is flying her home for a few days to visit her mother in New Jersey. We are in Phoenix.
I’m concerned there is not more urgency placed in this manner and this woman cutting herself. I don’t know why my son is being so mellow, could he be in shock? I’m concenred about the chidren. Women have done worse things than cutting themselves when a lover doesn’t want anything to do with their children.
Please advise? Send me any material you can to help, for my son to read. Should he be concerned or just let things take their course? If I were the mother of this girl I WOULD FLY HERE the quickest flight I could and walk my daughter into the nearest facility to get help. If I were her husband I would be searching every avenue to get this woman help.
PS I guess my daughter-in-law has gone to a therapist only twice. The first time she put her on meds and there is no certainty she went back the second tine. I’m guessing she did not tell her about the self cutting.
Please help!
Jan
It sounds very much like a classic, almost textbook, case of Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. Please, SEEK HELP here, as BPDs are more than capable of ruining their lives if left unchecked by those who love them. I am BPD and have struggled with it for years, losing a fiancee, jobs, and flunking out of school because of it and becasue noone took it seriously. Some recommended reading: books, “Stop Walking on Eggshells” for those living with or in relationships with the BPD afflicted and “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me” for those with BPD. I highly suggest you pick those up as they helped both me and others I know immensly. Also, as a final note, BPD is for some reason rarely diagnosed by doctors despite its proven existance and inclusion in medical texts. Please, get multiple opinions if something as ssimple as depression or bipolar is said to be the cause of these problems. Good luck and my thoughts go with you.
Hey know what it is like to cut. I have been cutting myself again for over 2 weeks know. I started around seven years ago and was doing fine into my sis in law falsely accused me and was arrested. I am on meds for depression and stress. There are times I feel like the meds are not really working and that I have bi polar or borderline personality. The only problem is I had overdose once.
I originally started cutting in seventh grade and got hooked. It was really hard to quit and thought I would end up committing suicide because it was controlling my life. I finally did quit for the summer, but once winter came, the urges came back as well. I was cutting myself for 4 years before I told my mom That was a year ago. I still have cut myyself since I have told her but I was doing pretty good with it until lately. for the past couple weeks, it has been all I think about and I keep giving in to the urges, I am worried that this will never go away but I hope it does because I am so sick of it controlling my life. I don’t know what to do next.
Carrie
I started cutting in Grade 4 and I have been hooked since. I’m now in Grade 10 and it just keeps getting worse. I hadn’t in a while but today I can’t even use my right hand from blood loss and nicked tendons. Its harder to quit cutting than anything else…I’m trying to quit smoking and I know that I will quit smoking before I will ever quit cutting. The scary thing is though, I don’t care what happens to me. I don’t care about having scars or accidentally killing myself because honestly, I think its what I really want on the inside. But even deeper down, the part of me that still cares, is the only reason I haven’t gone over the edge already.
I feel it tearing at my skin,
I’ve gotta break free, I can’t let it win,
It hurts so bad, I just can’t stop,
Its all in my hands, I’ve got to get it together up top,
It hurts so bad, your all I can see,
I see you slowly breaking and taking me,
I take it slowly and suddenly I see,
This razor in my hand, and I begin to bleed,
I’ve done it again, What can I say?
It will all be the end, I think to myself,
But I won’t let it get me
…… No not this way
I feel it running, to the tips of my hands
No, I promise, this was never in my plans,
Its flowing down, as I see it splatter the ground,
I know this is your fault, do you feel better now?
You see that this hurt me,but don’t you get proud,
What you did before, hurt more than what I am feeling right now,
I know that i need you, but you seem not to care,
This fixes the pain, so lets call all of this fair,
No wait, thats not right,
You won’t get off so soon,
I’ll work and I’ll work, you’ll feel my pain too,
I’ll take your heart, I’ll break it in half,
You’ll remember me, and the lies I with held
I have cut since 12 and still do I am 26 i like blood pain scars,it seems to me you are all afraid of yourselves.take control
I started cutting when i was in the 7th grade, im now a senior in high school and it only has gotten worse…ive only cut and burned my self mainly cut. ((i only burned because i was having thoughts about suicide and i was sad and i didnt have anything to cut with just a lighter…)) its gotten worse as ive gotten older…ive gone to counciling numerous times and yea, they do help but when you only go for a day per month you cant be happy all the time…i can still remember the first time that i slit my wirst…it was 3-10-06 and i wanted so bad to go to the spring dance but my sister was goin and she hated me so she had momma to tell me to stay home i just cried and cried all night till i went to the bathroom and broke one of the razors i had in the bathtub and slit my wrist it started to bleed really bad and i was scared because i cut so deep and it was on a vein…i took a shower to clean up the blood from the rest of the cuts on my body and to hopefully help stop the bleeding that was on my wrist…after i realized that it just got worse i got out and ran to get my mom the exact words that i said to her was, “momma i think i need to go to the hospital im sorry.”and took the towel off my wrist which then was almost soaked in blood…she asked me why i took a shower and i said to clean off the blood ((i then showed her the cuts i had done previously)) and she told me that hot water would only make it bleed more so she got me some ice and i put it on the cut to hopefully stop it from bleeding…
to this day i still have a large scar on my wrist and when i feel like suicide or get angry at school i just rub it to make me remember what happened that day…some times it helps me from getting my mind of the subject of suicide some times it just makes me want to cut more…
my advice to people that just started to cut, dont do it anymore stop while your just starting it will only get worse…trust me
I’ v been cutting for four years and its gotten bad.I’ v tried to talk to my mom about it but she dosent understand. She thiks its some game.I’m so angry,sad ,hurt and scared.I want to yell at them for not seeing it,for not caring enough. They’ll probably when its to late.I strugle just to keep my head above water but i’m slowly losing the battle.
“i fought the war, i fought the war but the war wont stop for the love of god” cut responsibly you animal
i have been cutting for about a year. they aren’t that bad though. i usually use a razor, but i was using saftey pins just to scratch myself. some of my friends cut too. but when i show them my cuts, they tell me that they aren’t that bad, so i shouldn’t worry about it. that kind of makes me angry, and only makes me want to cut even deeper. i want to stop, but i can’t. im almost 15. i only cut my arm. you can barely see my scars. somtimes im glad about that, but other times i wish i had scars that you could see well. it sucks.
A few months ago my mom found out that I was cutting my wrists and sent me to a sychiatric ward which changed my life forever. I saw people who have been cutting their wrist for a few months, i saw people who have been cutting their wrists for a few years. I saw people who were there because they tried to kill others, such as their mom, sisters, brothers, friends, anyone who has made their life a living hell. I am 13 and STILL get the urge to cut my wrsits and end my life. I take anti-depressants and don’t feel that those are working. People who see the cuts up and down my arm think that I am a freak and that makes me want to cut even more.
yo guys i jsut cut like 10 minutes ago and i feel great….there is blood all over the desk and my g/f is in the bathroom cutting herself now…****** cut all u want its a wonderful habit…all u ****** pussies that wanna quit just ****** pick up the razor ull feel better…i mean hell u only live once might as well cause self inflicted pain to urself….i mean **** COME ON take control *******…i feel like ur mom…all i got to say is pick up the ****** razor u little ******* and do whats best for you
i have been a cutter foir the past 6 years and no one knows my secret..i like it that way..knowing that i have something that no one knows about..when it comes to slicing my body i am in control..i control how much pain i feel and how much i bleed..i dont want to stop..its the only thing that feels good and right to me..i know that when i get upset and cant and dont want to deal with life and reality that i can go to my room and jus cut it all away..i can watch my pain, anger, hurt, and fear flow from my arm,leg, anywhere i can find, i can flow out with my blood…but i know that when i try to stop i have to keep going i have to cut until i fall asleep and am covered in blood.i am not ashamed of what i am doing..but i hide it to know that it is mine and that no one will try to take it from me..they just dont understand how good if feels to dig a rozor blade into your skin and watch yourself bleed..they dont know what it is like to go to your own little world where the only pain you feel is the one that you are causing yourself..they just dont know how great it is to have something that you know will be there for you…and that wont give up on you or walk away from you…you always know that your razor will be right where you left it for the next time you need to pick it up…cuuting is my only way of releasing my feeling of anger towards humanity, hate for myslef and others, pain for the lies, sadness from the losses, emptiness from no one being there for me, numbness from everyone giving up on me and thinking that i am not worth anything..speaking of the relief…i need to..no i want to cut..i want to cut my body so deep that i cant stop bleeding..i want to blled for hours and just watch it run all over my body..i want to know that i am still alive and the only way to do that is to blled my other emotions away…god the blade is my best friend and feels so good to my skin..as it tears open the things that are holding me back and is letting my crimson glory flow…it feels so good to have the cold think dark blood running over my skin and scars and newer cuts…it feels good to be numb to the things around me..i just wish the high of the cutting lasted longer…but then again i dont…cause then i can cut more…and blled more..and die a little more…
iv cut for the last 2 years im now 16 and if it would have been for one of my good frinds to have found me one night i would not be hear i really want help but no one cares. i dont do it for any thing but love pain and the rush
I have read your stories and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. I am not a cutter nor want to be, I am a big puss when it comes to pain. I have pain inside and try to find other ways to heal from it and don’t understand why you have to hurt yourself on the outside to release the pain on the inside. I am sure every one of you are beautiful people, not perfect people cause no one is perfect but everyone has a story to tell or life experiences that help others. You have helped me try to understand why, and what I gathered is there is pain and hurt and humiliation you are trying to overcome, this is not the way to do it. If I could help you I would, there are people who do care, even if we don’t understand why.
i did it as a reminder that i am an animal. that were all animals. i cut a word in my arm in the bath. i wanted to fill my whole bath tub with blood but i didnt. it was too much. there is nothing like seeing your flesh ripped/cut open by a self inflicted wound. then when u bleed and realize it doesnt hurt. that it feels good. its liberating. its like your spreading the molecules of the skin and opening up. its weird but i learned something today. cut responsibly
You all make it sound as if cutting is the only type of self-inflicted wounds. I used to leave 6 inch burn marks accross my shoulders. For 4 years I would burn myself on a weekly basis, shortly after 3 major losses in my family. When I graduated high school I hadn’t done it for 2 years. Now i’m in my second year in college and I’ve started compulsivley. It’s almost like desperation now. It feels like scars are my only constant, and that’s rediculous. Has anyone actually overcome the urges to self-inflict?
I’ve been self harming for over three years now. It started off with scissors and broken glass. Now I like to cut with blades and knives. I don’t just cut – I burn myself, I smash things against my body, punch walls. Self injury helps me more than any therapist could. Nobody seems to understand me, which is understandable I guess. I don’t want to stop, why would anybody want to stop something they enjoy so much? I like seeing my own blood. I like causing my own pain. I like feeling in control. Once I cut too deep and had to have stitches. As weird as it sounds, I enjoy looking at my scars.. I feel like it’s the only thing I have.
i’ve been self-injuring for 10 years. mostly cutting. i’m 23, former soldier turned house wife. now i’m pregnant, can’t take meds for borderline personality disorder or ptsd, and pretty much feel like i’m losing my grip.
my 2 yr old step-son is “slow”, and it drives me crazy. i cut yesterday for the 1st time in 5 months. and i realized that even though i was trying to stop for my husband… i really don’t want to. i don’t care that i’m cutting on top of scars, and i don’t care how people look at me. it makes me feel better without taking zombe making meds.
I recently dealt with a person such as the one you’re talking about. My ex. was a cutter. Reasons for that were that she had been sexually abused twice and her family isn’t a family. One day I went to drop her off, she told me she loved me and 4 me 2 leave cause she wanted 2 die.
I had to wrestle with her alot. she finally escaped and took 2 steak knives with her out side. I chased her. several times she threatened to cut if i came closer, but the truth is if you’re willing to listen, they will eventually tell. I prayed for her in front of her and demanded satan and all demons to exit her body and enter mine, a fair game. me and God vs. Satan and demons. not a good idea? it almost worked. I took a needle a few times and scratched my arms to feel her pain. Try praying if in time the problem isn’t better then beg her to tell.
Several times my ex said she liked others and wanted 2 leave me. Your son believe it or not i strongly believe needs to just be a listener. Find Bible verses and read them to her when shes crying. Always love her no matter what! She will get better if you will pray constantly 4 her and show her that YOU CARE! Thats what she needs. I hope this will help.
Rachel as a recent person who wanted to commit suicide i want to just say that there is more to life. My ex. was a cutter. she had the same feeling as you. I don’t know if you’ve prayed for this problem. I don’t consider you as any worse than me just because im saved.
I do know this. Im here to help, God’s here to help. If you have prayed did you give up on God? Don’t Sometimes he takes a while to answer our prayers. be patient.
You may not believe this but I personally know that God has a plan 4 u,
for everyone. Especially the people with this problem. Sure by cutting you’re a step closer 2 death. but when you die. are you going to heaven or hell?
Are you Saved( have you admitted that your a sinner, do you believe that Jesus is God’s son, and have you confessed your faith in him)
If you have done these things you’re goin 2 heaven , if not I suggest you start tryin to fix things. I don’t wanna scare you into gettin saved. But if you think this world is bad. multiply it times 1000 and that’s hell. there are no second chances after you die. and you can’t kill yourself in hell.
God loves you. Im prayin for you. hope you get better.
nuts
and bolts
i’m done and crazed
my eyes glaze
everything is fuzzed faded and fazed
insane unsanitary loose
lost
screwed messed
numb dumb
through
i fucked up
i couln’t be alone, please be on watch
“you don’t look too good”
i’m fine
“let me get you some food”
i just need sleep
“i’ll set the alarm”
it should be deep and peaced and forced by harm
so long, deep breaths
go down, relax
“do you want a pillow”
no, the discomfort will pass
“i’ll make you some tea”
no, its done move away
let me be free
i turn it all gray
let this beating slow down
let it drown, let it drown
let me go away
let it all fade away
I have been a victim of self-mutilation for ten years. I began cutting my arms at the age of 12. I had a lot of trouble adapting to all the changes going on in my life and cutting gave me a sense of control. I decided where to cut, I decided how to cut, I decided when to cut and I decided what to cut. I loved the power I had! Things got out of control when I was about 16; I was cutting every day and the cuts were very severe. I was hospitalized and recieved numerious stiches on countless occasions. I didn’t like the attention my cutting got me so I began using an exacto-knife with a lock on the blade so I wouldn’t go so deep as to require medical attention.
Cutting is not the only form of self-injury/mutilation I inflicted on myself. I pull my hair… I pick at hairs on my legs with tweezers until the holes become so deep I can nearly see the bone.
I pick myself with needles. Just regular sewing needles, not drugs or anything… I enjoy pushing needles into my arms right up to the eye of the needle. I use those tweezers that fisher men have in order to pull the needles out.
I scratch myself too… I scratch so vigorously that my fingernails become embedded with skin cells and I can no longer dig deeper…
When I do these things it doesn’t hurt me. I am not trying to kill myslef. I think I could best describe the feeling I get as total bliss. It relaxes me, which is a problem because if I become stressed out in a social setting I often find myslef scratching…
I don’t do these things as a cry for attention. Up until last year I wore long sleeved shirts and pants all the time. I used to worry about what other people thought about me but I don’t anymore. If someone is going to judge me based on this minor part of my personality I figure they aren’t worth my time anyway!
I do suffer from bi-polar (manic depression) but I don’t think that has anything to do with my actions… I do this during highs and lows- my moods have no affect over my behaviors. I try not to cut when I am low because I am afraid I may attempt/ commit suicide. Overall I don’t want to die, but there are days when I think about it… That’s normal, right?
I write about my mutilation and I smear blood on the pages as a reminder. Every time I got stiches I took them out and taped them into my journal. Not as a “trophy” or anything; just as a memory. I have taken pictures of my cuts too. If there is an interseting blood pattern I like to photograph it. I don’t show anyone the pictures, but I like looking at them from time to time…
I like doing these things to myself… I don’t like the scars or anything, but I love the feeling I get when I do it. I do want to stop. I thought it was over once: I went 8 months without any mutilation but I got back into it. Those were the most stressful 8 months of my life!
These behaviors are not cool… If you are reading this for ideas or if you are thinking about mutilating but have never done it yet I think you would be best off leaving it alone… Find another way to fulfil the urges… Years from now you will look back at your scars and hate it… Well, sorta
I have been cutting for almost a year now. I do it because i would rather deal with physical pain caused by myslef than emeotional pain caused by others. My whole life my parents were alcoholics and my dad was abusive. I only cut my wrists and they arent that deep. My friend saw them and told one of my teachers i was then called to the office where i had to talk to the consellor and my grandma. It was probably one of the hardest days in my life andi will never forget it. I was then recomended to many phyciatrists but i wouldnt talk to any of them and i still wont they just dont get why i do it. Since then i have continued to cut and i dont want to stop i like it. I usually try to cover my wrists with long sleeves, sweatbands or bracelets.
I’ve been cutting for years. I am 34 and seem to turn to cutting when things get bad.
I have been diagnosed with DID so the majority of the time I don’t remember the actual cutting. When I realize what I’ve done, it’s too late – the wounds are already there. Recently I cut and ended up stabbing myself in the chest. It was an attempt to cut out my heart so I no longer felt pain, sadness, shame, etc. (I am also an abuse suvivor!) One alter in particular is the cutter in my “system”. He hates me, hates my body, hates living.
I have a therapist now who is awesome and hopefully she can help us merge and ultimately heal.
Until then, I’m just another cutter!
I am 17 years old and have been struggling with mental illness since i was about 8 years old. I was medicated for clinical depression but these problems were put to the side by my parents and dismissed as not in any way important. My problems first caught their eye when i was 14 and lost about 30 lbs in a month. I wasn’t confronted about my eating issue until i weighed 89 lbs. I starved myself because i hated myself and felt no control in my life. Once i quit this habit and began attending therapy other problems arose. I began injuring myself by digging my finger nails into my skin when i was stressed or angry with some or simply felt numb and needed some sort of feeling. One day i began to cut myself. I always did it on my upper thigh so that no one would find it. I did over the summer and even though i was in a swim suit all the time it seemed that no one noticed. This i find hard to believe but people notice what they want i guess. Last summer my cutting became an addiction and was more frequent and more painful every time. I also attempted suicide 3 times, each time being stopped mid-action by a simple phone call from my boy friend or from my parents getting home from work. By the beginning of august i had spiraled into a deep hole of depression in which i knew i would never be able to pull myself out of. I needed outside help. However, when i needed them the most my friends seemed to not be there and my family was too “busy” to talk to me about it. I had to do something myself, so i asked my therapist if i could be taken into an inpatient program. So i spent about a week in a local hospital’s mental health program. When i returned home i vowed to quit cutting and i did for about 2 months. Things got stressful again and i knew no one would notice so i started all over again. In December i however decided that i needed to quit for my own good.
Today i celebrate 7 months of not cutting myself. I honestly see this problem as an addiction and don’t understand why people dont take it seriously. If someone sees someone they know with any signs of self-injury they should do something immediately. I understand that it was difficult for my friends to approach me, but that doesnt make it easier for me to forgive them. I know that i have taken 3 of my friends and 1 person i barely even know to our school couselor to help fix similar problems. I refuse to sit back and watch people do to themselves what i did, and i suggest everyone else should do the same.
I’m in my 40’s. I hope it’s ok that I’m posting here. I self injury by cutting. As a child I self injured by hitting glass and walls sometimes until they broke or my hand did. I’m worried about how my cutting has escalated. I started therapy, but my cutting has only increased so far. I cut because I get overwhelmed and cutting relaxes me completely. I’ve never used heroin (or any other drugs), but the high I get from cutting is the same kind of high I’ve heard you get from heroin. Like other people here I have a history of being abused. I’m working hard to change my life, but it’s really really slow going. Thanks for listening…….
ok i hav benn a cutter for aboutt two years but i have hav self mutillation problemz for az long az i can remember.i hav alwayz been torn between my mother n father neither really wanting me for me but to prove to eachother wich one iz better n can cuztody.so wen i waz lil i wud dig my nailz into my armz,or bite my nailz so short untill they bleed i did thiz quite often n rarily waz it ever noticed.thatz the way i liked it.and still do.then i dizcovered the miracle effect of sizzcorz.i still cut quite often.it makez me feel better somehow releaze pain,anger,loneliness,abandonment,i stopped for a while becauze my mother found out.she had me sent to a psychiotrizt i hated him.hate him.i stopped not becauze he help but becauze they threatend to lock me up in a mental institution.im deathly afraid of thoze.so i stopped.that didnt lazt long.that ended with the end of my relationship with the boy i love.now i juz dont care n e more.it helpz me feel better.no matter wat the shrinkz say it deoz help.they juz dont understand.so now i frequently cut.knivez,scizzorz,pop canz,broken cdz…..watever.i recently started burning myself with lighterz also.i like the effect it haz to.n then i can pick at it so it leavez and even better scar.i love my scarz.i love the pain,the blade,the blood,the high,and the scar the lil reminder.but i hate when my friendz act like they care.they act like they understand.they dont.only other people with the “problem” understand.not skepticle outside viewerz bein judgmental.i like the cut.i like seeing my own blood,maybe itz sick but thatz how i feel.n i love the scar.i dont really want to stop why stop sumthin i enjoy?piontlezz.i hate my life,i hate my family,i hate the world.but i love the feeling that i can do something even if thats through hurting myself…uh thankz fer reading thiz….
A final farewell.
I write this here only because no one else will listen. I am a 36 yr. old female setting up for suicide. Cutting does not take the pain away anymore. I’m bleeding from my stomache, legs, arms, back, neck and face. I am not feeling any better, with each cut. As far as family and friends go Damn them all. All six children are gone, taken for no reason, My fiancee thinks I am a liar and a cheat. I just needed to vent this before I bid my final farewell. If for some reason someone happens to find where this came from (which I hope not) Tell John it was only for him that I feel no more!!
‘god’ is not going to help any of your struggles. i cut myself and i feel nothing… it doesnt hurt at all. i do it because i want to. im not going to stop because i dont want to. if someone wants to stop, then stop. stop making excuses for yourselves.. you cut yourselves because its the only way you know how to deal with the **** thats going on in you lives. i will probably never stop nor do i want to. so there
I haven’t found connection w/ anyone who is like me, but this site is as close as I’ve gotten. I am 34. I wouldn’t say that I cut, but I did attempt suicide for the first time 1 1/2 years ago… and lived. I didn’t do it to live and I didn’t tell anyone. Often, parasuicide or making it known is a cry for help. I was just ready to leave this world bc I thought I didn’t fit anywhere and felt so alone. I won’t say how I did it, but the doctors were impressed bc it was a close call. If I sound a little like I’m bragging, it’s the only thing I’ve got. I was in the hospital for 3 1/2 weeks. I cut my arms so badly that they had to add skin from other parts of my body to close the gaps.
Something to share. My doctor said that many suicides fail and there’s always a chance that one will wake up parylized or without arms. The arms lost circulation or someone w/ an overdose stayed in one position so long that their legs had to be amputated. That’s much scarier than staying “here,” with our problems. He actually said it is hard to take one’s life “efficiently.” Perhaps he was trying to scare me so I would never do it again. It worked
I have searched constantly for people who have survived a hard suicide attempt.. to connect to someone to see how they deal with the “aftermath.: I have very visible, red ugly scars from the end of my wrist all the way to my elbow on one hand and the other has a collection of jagged red scars… a large, hard-to-miss area.
I’m the type of person who puts my all into everything (obviously). So now that I’ve decided to live, these horrible, ugly reminders remain, large and obvious, on my arms. My fragile, crazy nature is now obvious to everyone. People stare. A lot. I’ve had strangers ask me what happened.. ?! I get angry sometimes. Would you ask a person w/ burns all over their face what happened?
Recently, I’ve been saying things like, “My cat hates me.” or “saving a kid from a burning building was tough!’ and hope they laugh. In reality, it was a bad time in my life and now I want to live as much as I can. Living, being alive – is very, very hard sometimes and it hurts heaps. But the sooner you allow yourself to feel that pain instead of resorting to cutting, suicide or some kind of addiction, the sooner it really does subside or even go away. But you have to feel it and be angry, be sad, be filled with looking around you bc it’s not always all about you – there’s at least one or more people in your life that love you. Life comes with the good and the bad. Our job is to learn how to deal with it in a healthy, sometimes hard – but sometimes amazing! – manner.
Lifesaver! You are my lifesaver Kirsten! Come find me! ==Len
I love you, Kirsten Carrie Luise.
Say hello to your daughter from please! I have a contact form on my website either of you can use. Has she told you how she was my lifesaver back in 2000?
Been cutting for over ten years(I’m 43) I call them my battle scares, they are mostly on my thighs, but I have some on my arms, and around my ankles. I burn myself sometimes too, and it helps with the inner anger/frustration in my life. I especially like when I cut really deep, and alot of blood comes out of my skin, and I feel the warm of it, then I love spreading it across my face, and hands…..I don’t understand why I do this, I’m still taking therapy, and meds. I don’t trust anyone anymore, and I hate people looking at me…..and I always feel abandoned.
love seeing the thin to thick trail of blood trickling down my arm, leg, face
Im 16 and ive been cutting for 2 years now i do it because i enjoy it and because it lets me no im alive and after i cut myself im fine and have no more urgea until something stressful happens. i also get into fights for the fun of it because when tey hit me i dont feel it and it feels good to be hit and to feel something breaking under my hands
I have a little sister, she is but 13 years old. She is so sad and manic depressed and feels she has no support in life, yet I do my best to support her… she cuts herself.Yes, my baby sister cuts herself and no matter what i do I cannot get through to her.
For all of you on this blog that seems to take relief in cutting, you guys are cutting us open along with you, only thing is us bystanders, our scars are deeper and they dont heal, it tears my heart apart…everyone has life tough, I myself am in and out at the shrink and psyciatrists, but I dont cut myself, most ‘cutters’ love the thrill of having someone be aware of their ‘problem’…for goodness sake, stop it! You guys drag loved ones down with you… please… and Dominic… God made animals and then his greatest creation…man…dont come with this bull! You are exactly the kind of inspiration this world can do without…please keep it your responsibility to keep your opinion locked away, it does no mother or father’s child any good to read your animalistic approaches on a very serious problem…
Self harmers posting their problems is a classic sign of them trying to reach out for support, or comfort, or knowing someone out there recognises their pain and sympathises with them.
But I’m posting not to reach out for support. Though I do harm my left forarm with razors, this is not stemmed from a mental disorder. Instead I do this as a way to reduce emotional pain by transferring it into physical pain, which I can handle in a much tolerable fasion.
The reaction is automatic – just as a child will cry when their candy is stolen, or a dog bite when it is being kicked, I will claw at, or will cut if chance permits, my forarm to feel a rush of something else other than anger, grief or impatience.
Though in the short term a viable option as a instinctual reaction to emotional harrassment, the scars will stay by me for life…
But this is a guy’s point of view, who can handle physical pain better than emotional pain, and allow himself to channel emotional pain into physical by self injury.
It will be interesting to see the motives for female self injury.
I am 62 years old and I cut stad myself in the stomach with a knife I keep in my pocket. I don’t know how I got started. Even though it hurts and I stab deep enough to bring blood, I cannot stop. I enjoy it. I want to do it over and over again. I am even planning how I will kill myself with a knife. Each time I stab myself, I cannot wait to do it again. I think I am working up the courage to stick the knife in my belly and keep pushing it in till I did. I am addicted to the cutting, the pain and the blood.